How to Talk to Your Kids About Money—When You’re Still Figuring It Out Yourself
By Judd Allen, CDFA® Candidate
After divorce, many parents find themselves in a tough spot: trying to rebuild their own financial stability while also needing to guide their kids through financial conversations. It’s a vulnerable moment. Your income may have changed. Your support obligations may have started. Maybe your home, schedule, and lifestyle all shifted at once. And now your children are asking questions about money - sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly.
If you're unsure how to respond, you’re not alone. The truth is, you don’t need to have every answer. You just need to be honest, consistent, and calm. What your children need most is your presence - not your perfection.
Be Honest Without Overwhelming Them
Kids are intuitive. Even when they don’t understand the numbers, they feel the stress. Trying to pretend nothing has changed only creates confusion. At the same time, dumping every financial detail on them isn’t helpful either.
What works best is age-appropriate honesty. You can say:
“We’re being thoughtful with money right now so we can take care of what matters most.”
“Some things have changed since the divorce, but I’m working on a plan that works for us.”
Let them know you're in control, even if you’re still figuring things out. That sense of security makes a bigger impact than any financial detail you could share.
Normalize Changes Without Guilt
One of the hardest things post-divorce is watching your child compare their life to others - including their other parent. Maybe your co-parent is in a stronger financial position. Maybe they’re spending more freely. Maybe your child is beginning to notice the contrast.
You don’t need to match the other household. You don’t need to compete. You only need to provide:
Emotional consistency
Financial boundaries
Predictability around spending and expectations
If your kids ask why they can’t have what they used to, or what they see elsewhere, you might say, “We make different choices here, and that helps us feel steady and safe.” That message might not land right away, but it creates a foundation they’ll understand more deeply as they grow.
Use Everyday Moments as Teachable Ones
Financial education doesn’t require a formal sit-down conversation. Often, it’s the everyday stuff that sticks.
Here are a few simple ways to bring your kids into real-world financial thinking:
Let them help with the grocery list and talk through price comparisons.
Set up a simple allowance system that includes saving, spending, and giving.
Help them plan a savings goal for something they want rather than buying it outright.
You don’t need to be a financial expert. You just need to let them observe and participate in thoughtful decision-making.
These small lessons teach your kids that money is a tool, not a stressor. More importantly, they see you using it with intention, even while you’re still rebuilding.
Set Boundaries You Can Stick To
It’s common to feel guilty after divorce, especially when your kids experience the effects of change. That guilt can lead to overspending, overcompensating, or avoiding money conversations altogether.
The problem is, this rarely helps anyone. Boundaries provide security - not limitation.
If your child asks for something you can’t currently afford, it’s okay to say:
“That’s not in the plan right now, but we can work toward it.”
“We’re choosing to save for something more important later.”
That kind of language teaches delayed gratification and financial resilience. It also helps them feel safe because they know what to expect.
Own Your Learning Process
You may be thinking, “I don’t feel qualified to teach my kids about money - I’m still figuring it out myself.” That’s okay. In fact, that honesty can be powerful.
Instead of hiding your process, consider saying something like:
“I didn’t always make the best choices with money, but I’m learning now.”
“I’m working on building a stronger plan so we can all feel more secure.”
This shows your children that learning continues into adulthood and that it’s okay to make adjustments, change course, and grow. You’re modeling accountability - not perfection.
Communicate With Your Co-Parent (If You Can)
When possible, try to coordinate with your co-parent on how financial expectations are presented to your children. Consistency between households reduces confusion and anxiety.
If communication is healthy, consider agreeing on:
Whether and how allowance is handled
Guidelines around saving for school trips or extracurriculars
When and how big-ticket purchases (like phones or gaming systems) are introduced
Even if you don’t see eye to eye on everything, establishing common ground where you can reduces emotional whiplash for your kids.
Of course, not every co-parenting relationship allows for collaboration. If that’s the case, focus on what you can control - how money is talked about and handled in your home.
Build Your Own Financial Stability
You can’t pour from an empty cup. The more stable you feel financially, the more confident you’ll be as a parent - and that confidence is contagious.
If you haven’t already, take time to:
Outline your monthly income and expenses
Understand your support obligations and how they affect your cash flow
Rebuild an emergency fund, even if it starts small
Reassess retirement goals now that your household structure has changed
These steps aren’t about financial perfection. They’re about giving you breathing room. A financial plan gives you clarity - and when you feel clearer, your kids feel safer.
At J. Allen Financial, I work with parents who are rebuilding after divorce. We take an honest look at everything from budgeting and support payments to long-term planning and raising financially literate kids. There’s no judgment. Just a path forward.
You Don’t Have to Get It Perfect - Just Be Present
Your kids are watching. Not to see whether you always get it right, but to see how you respond when life shifts. They’ll learn more from your calm persistence than from any financial milestone.
If you’re showing up, staying honest, and modeling resilience, you’re already giving them more than most financial literacy books ever could.
Money talks don’t have to be heavy. They can be thoughtful, light, even empowering. You’re not just managing change - you’re leading your family through it.
